How I Learned to Love Myself Without Alcohol

A love letter to myself 3 years ago, and for anyone who is going through their own sober journey with alcohol or contemplating it. You are not alone.

When I was in my 20’s, I would constantly tell myself and others how much I loved traveling alone. How much I loved being by myself. I partly believed it, but there was a sense of loneliness that crept in which I didn’t share with others. When I found myself in the most romantic city in the world, wandering the windy paths of a small town with cute cobblestone roads, experiencing new foods, new cultures, new people–I was alone. Deeply alone.

And yes, a part of it was exhilarating to be “discovering” myself but another part was lonely. I found myself wondering what it would be like to have someone else to experience this with. To experience life with. This was before I had my first real relationship, even as an early 20 something. I was late in the dating game because I spent it hiding in the closet for more than half my life. To cope, I had alcohol to help me. Alcohol gave me the courage and the push I needed to (momentarily) feel more carefree. More relaxed. It made being alone doing all these amazing things more palatable. More believable. And the scariest part, sometimes alcohol made me feel more–me.

This past week, I hit my 3 week sober mark. 3 whole years without a drop of alcohol that I’ve put into my body. Not to say that I judge anyone for drinking, almost all of my close circle of trusted friends and family still drink and I still enjoy being around them, whether at a bar or restaurant or hanging out together at home over drinks. I just know that it isn’t for me anymore.

Because at this point in my life, I had to face some of my own monsters hiding beneath the shadows. I had to choose to accept myself for who I am. All the parts of me, without needing to lean on my old friend alcohol. Yes, even those moments where I may feel sad or afraid, I no longer have the choice of temporarily tapping into alcohol to help ease me back into feeling like “myself”. I just have to be myself, and go through whatever it is that I’m going through.

When I first decided to quit on a gloomy day in November of 2022, the weight of imagining never having alcohol in my life again was almost paralyzing. It was like giving up someone (or I guess, something) that had been with me throughout all of the milestones in my life. But what I realize now is that the single person and thing that had been with me throughout all of those milestones–is me. The alcohol was just there for the ride. It was always me. I just used alcohol as an excuse to be able to say the things I wanted to say. I used alcohol as an excuse to do the things that sober Ricky didn’t dare to do.

And now, 3 years later, there’s something very special about knowing that although it felt like I was giving something so significant up when I made that decision, what I actually did was give myself more of a chance. Give myself more of a chance to be me. To have the audacity to choose, sometimes quietly, sometimes boldly, exactly what I want to do and what I don’t want to do. To choose what I want to say or not say. To be who I am, through and through–without a fuzzy, dizzying, cautious lens that feels so freeing in the moment, yet often made me question my choices and decisions the day after.

I recognize now that for me, alcohol and being alone were two things in my life that I knew existed, but had a difficult time facing. It felt like being alone was less of a choice and more of a reflection of who I was as a person and why I was the last one in my circle of friends to ever be in a “real” relationship. And alcohol was there to help me numb the reality and alcohol helped me reconcile that difference. Alcohol was there because I see it in half of my bloodline on my Dad’s side. Where the smell of cigarettes, roasted peanuts, and an ice cold beer was engrained into my little body sitting in a booth with my feet dangling, barely touching the floor. The room hazy with smoke, loud music blaring and the next Karaoke star propped up on the little stool on stage yelling into the microphone about who he’s dedicating this next song to. Being in those settings in our family-owned Karaoke bar in Hong Kong was synonymous to a “good time”. It was nostalgic. That’s why when I first declared I was going to be sober, everyone would ask why and I responded: “I realized my relationship with alcohol was something I no longer needed”. I didn’t know why I had chosen such an interesting way of phrasing it at the time, but instinctively my body and heart knew–I had been in this toxic relationship with alcohol since I was young, as I was grappling with my identity and learning to discover how to be comfortable with who Ricky was.

And like many toxic relationships, what might feel gut-wrenching and a heavy loss at first, often turns out to be you gaining more of yourself back–tenfold. It may take time, but it happens. Letting go of toxic relationships allow you to gain your true, vibrant, glaringly uninhibited self. Full of life, tenacity, and audacity.

So cheers to happy sobriety for 3 years. And an immense amount of gratitude for Ricky 3 years ago who had the audacity to make this decision for him then, and for me now.

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About Ricky Koo

Ricky Koo is a seasoned corporate executive, entrepreneur, and certified Leadership & Communication Coach with a passion for helping professionals lead with authenticity and impact. With a background in Psychology and as a former Big 4 CPA, he built a distinguished career in Fortune 500 companies across banking, consulting, and technology, leading global teams and navigating complex business environments. Ricky’s unique perspective and strong instincts as a business leader enable him to successfully guide people through challenging situations while developing and fostering strong cultures.

As an instructor for UC Berkeley Extension, he passionately blends a strong technical foundation with real-world leadership experience to deliver transformative learnings on communication, influence, leadership, and career development. His approach bridges science with practicality, creating meaningful impact for audiences worldwide—from the classroom to the boardroom.

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