How To Improve Your Communication Skills With One Simple Tip

Over the years as I’ve honed my voice and established my own presence and brand, I’ve gotten consistent comments about my communication.

“You are so articulate and clear.”

“Your style of communicating is so refreshing and you always have something insightful to say.”

The truth is, I’m not so much more intelligent, or insightful, or reflective compared to the other person. So as a learner and an instructor, I’ve been on a journey to try and figure out what exactly is at the root of those comments from people. What is it about my style of communication that resonates with people and really “lands”. And more importantly, how can I distill it down to a single, practical, actionable tip that everybody else can start utilizing in their own lives? It was a lofty idea and goal, but I’ve finally come to pinpoint what that secret thing is that so many people feel and experience when I communicate with them.

It comes down to this: Naming it. I know, that probably sounds so trivial and simple—almost silly. You’re probably thinking, “What the heck do you mean ‘naming it’, Ricky?”

When I think of all the heated discussions or high-stress situations I’ve been in throughout my career and in life, this single approach was the backbone of what got me through.

Whether it was when I needed to communicate the pain of massive layoffs to my entire team, or handling a very aggressive and impatient stakeholder, or even walking on eggshells with a heavy conversation on politics with my father-in-law, it centered on naming it.

That is—in the exact moment of heat, or tension, or conflict—you name it. You can name what you observe, you can name what you’re feeling, you can name what the other person is doing or saying, you can name what your intentions and hopes are, they are all going to be effective in their own way.

As the “giver”, naming something triggers a part of our brain that boosts confidence and promotes calmness, despite challenging situations. As the “receiver”, experiencing someone else naming something triggers familiarity in our brain, heart, and mind—it can diffuse defensiveness, which enables us to mirror the calmness coming from the “giver”’s end.

If you think back on a specific difficult conversation you’ve had, can you recall what made it so difficult or uncomfortable? Then, imagine if you were to name that thing out loud—during that conversation. How would that feel? How might that have changed the conversation?

After having to be prepped with the talking points of the massive layoffs at work, and then being expected to deliver that message to my team—it felt so raw and daunting. Yet, I started with naming it: “This all feels so heavy and for some, it may even feel unfair or uncalled for.” That naming of the current situation set the foundation of trust and the tone of humanness, even in a very business-driven decision. It allowed an open, honest, conversation to unfold and helped people see how we can move forward together.

When I was met with a very angry stakeholder who began yelling during a meeting and saying “I don’t give a f$*k about your process, you’re holding my team up”, I was immediately shocked. I had so many thoughts were running through my mind, especially because there were two other people on our team in that meeting with a look of concern and fear. I started with naming it: “When you raise your voice like that, it creates an environment where we can’t have a productive and objective conversation.” There was nothing judgmental about it, I was simply naming the behavior of this stakeholder, and also naming the consequence/impact of that behavior. It shifted the dynamic in the room immediately and caused the stakeholder to pause, and ultimately apologize for his behavior, before we proceeded to solving the problem together.

When an unexpected phone call from my father-in-law turned into a 2 hour politically heated conversation, I was initially on edge and extremely triggered by the points that were being brought up and opinions spoken as fact. My heart began racing, I was physically sweating on my couch, hunched over with the phone grasped tightly in my hands, and I was ready to argue until the sun went down to disprove all his points. Yet, earlier in the conversation I was able to identify what it is that was causing me to be so triggered and emotionally bound to these words. And I decided I needed to name it. “The truth is—I’m really scared. I don’t know what will happen but I know that it is a very scary time right now, for someone who looks like me and comes from my background.” While that didn’t single handedly solve anything in the conversation, that raw punch of honesty and reflection invited my father-in-law to also mirror back his thoughts: “I don’t know anymore, Ricky. Sometimes I don’t even know if I’m doing the right thing.”

Too often, the default is that people start communicating by sharing information, data, experiences, with one another. They end up talking at one another rather than with each other. More time is spent hearing what someone is saying, while formulating rebuttals or responses in your mind rather than just truly listening and acknowledging.

As a professional coach, we go through hundreds of hours training with different scenarios, situations, and people to ensure that we have a way of distilling down information into what the actual point is. Or, as I like to refer to it, the root. It’s natural for us to start any conversation by sharing something, but rarely is that actually the root of what is actually desired, felt, or needed. We overwhelm communication with extraneous information and distracting stories that don’t really address or describe what the main point is. That’s where miscommunication and erosion of trust happens frequently—when one party feels as though the other just doesn’t (or refuses to) understand where they are coming from. The simplest way to bypass this is to start with naming it.

It would be hypocritical of me if I were to just say this is the only thing you need to know when it comes to strengthening your communication skills. That’s far from the truth. Yet, this is the best way to start—before you read any fancy book or go through a robust course on sharpening your communication skills. Start with what you already innately have within you—your gut and your ability to observe/notice things around you. Start with that.

Yes, I’ve developed communication frameworks and strategies on how to influence and negotiation over the years that can help guide and land your message in a sharp, concise way. But at the end of the day, what effective communication really comes down to is having a way to make people feel seen, heard, and understood. Before any framework can be applied and certainly before coming up with a super polished narrative or script, the single most important thing you can do is just pause, and name it.

Whether you name it softly, boldly, or even if your voice is shaking as you name it. Naming it gives you power and fuels your message authentically in a way that no framework, template, or worksheet can do. It reminds the person you’re talking to that you’re both human, and it has the power to melt away judgment, walls, or tension.

The next time you find yourself dreading a difficult conversation, ask yourself this—what can I name right now, that is true and simple? Lead with that, and let the rest of the conversation unfold. You might find that the conversation will unfold in a way that it otherwise may not have—if you hadn’t triggered this intentional break by naming it.

Found this helpful or insightful?

Let’s stay in touch and keep the conversation going!

About Ricky Koo

Ricky Koo is a seasoned corporate executive, entrepreneur, and certified Leadership & Communication Coach with a passion for helping professionals lead with authenticity and impact. With a background in Psychology and as a former Big 4 CPA, he built a distinguished career in Fortune 500 companies across banking, consulting, and technology, leading global teams and navigating complex business environments. Ricky’s unique perspective and strong instincts as a business leader enable him to successfully guide people through challenging situations while developing and fostering strong cultures.

As an instructor at UC Berkeley Extension, he passionately blends a strong technical foundation with real-world leadership experience to deliver transformative learnings on communication, influence, leadership, and career development. His approach bridges science with practicality, creating meaningful impact for audiences worldwide—from the classroom to the boardroom.

Ricky Koo Coaching – Career & Self Development