I was raised to dream about going to college. Then securing a good job. Then working my butt off in that said job, in order to be able to afford wonderful vacations. And rinse and repeat. Now, after 20 years of hustling in the professional world and very quickly making my way up the “corporate ladder”, I see work life balance differently.
The cycle most people mistake for work life balance
I remember one time earlier on in my career, I maxed out my accrued vacation time and had to go negative for a few weeks until I earned back the time that I took. Still, I didn’t feel guilty about it and my manager at the time let me. I came back refreshed and ready to contribute my time, heart, and effort into my job. Then I’d start planning for my next vacation and start dreaming about when I could take it next.
That felt like a healthy balance to me. But then I began to notice a pattern. The pattern looked something like this:
- Intense work, work, work
- Feel tired
- Waiting for the weekend
- “Reward” myself and “recharge” with a vacation
- Come back refreshed
- Get back to the same cycle after 1 week post-vacation
- Intense work, work, work
- Repeat
Why the old model quietly burns you out
What I realized was that while I was taking consistent vacation and time off, the returning-to-work part felt more and more laborious each time. It was like Sunday Scaries on steroids, when I’d switch from a super relaxing, disconnected time off, to an overwhelming feeling of catching up after returning to the office. Not only that, it started to feel like I was living a double life. One life which housed the version of Ricky that was more free-spirited and another life that housed the version of Ricky that was go, go, go and focused on driving results and outcomes. I found that slowly, the in-between fizzled away and I constantly had to choose between one or the other. I was living in stark extremes.
Signs you’re stuck in the work recovery loop
What I’m starting to unlearn is the idea that work life balance is that cycle I described. Where you work so hard and intensely, then get treated with a lavish vacation where you maximize time away from furiously typing emails and sitting in meetings.
What modern work life balance actually looks like
Now, I have a new sense of what work life balance truly is. It’s a gradual, much more simple and ‘boring’ thing.
It’s having time in the morning to make your latte at home without having to glance at the clock every 1 minute to make sure you’re not running late.
It’s the ability to have uninterrupted time in the morning to practice yoga or hop on your Peloton bike and feel ready to flourish throughout the day.
It’s going outside onto your deck to watch the sun peek through the trees and hearing the songbirds welcoming the day.
It’s not feeling like from the moment your eyes open, that your only goal is to sit down at a desk as soon as possible and get cranking through all the work waiting to be done.
A calmer way to move between work and life during your day
This is the new work life balance. One where it is a gradual transition throughout the day—between your personal life and work life. One where there isn’t a hard, distinct line where you have to switch from “work mode” to “relax mode”. It’s really a mindset shift away from having to choose between one or the other, and instead being able to experience both work + life together. Blended, fluid, throughout the day. Having some moments where life is happening, and also moments where you can focus on being productive and effective at your job.
The mindset shift that changes everything
The new work life balance—as I see it—is less about distinguishing the two worlds and juggling them, but more about recognizing that it is an ongoing flow and dance of the two together. Intertwined. This mindset and approach has offered me more peace and happiness. It has allowed me to feel more calm and patient, even during moments of high-stress or pressure at work. It’s an acknowledgement and reinforcement in your own self confidence, when you’re able to recognize that you are not defined by your work, yet your life is in fact a bit more full when you are doing your best work.
What if balance isn’t about time–but attention?
In a world that is rapidly changing and evolving, the old way of approaching work life balance is only going to cause you more anxiety and stress. All along, we were told to focus on balancing between two things (work & life), when the truth is—the key is learning to balance your mindset in how you show up and feel as you dip in and out of work + life throughout your day. That practice and ability to effortlessly flow and balance between work + life will offer you much more freedom, purpose, and fulfillment than any time management or productivity hack out there.
Focus more on inviting your mind to view work life balance in this way, and your future self will thank you.
Beyond work life balance, learn more about how to increase your pay & advocate for yourself at work
Here is another post in this Self Advocacy series: How to Advocate for Yourself at Work Naturally (Without Sounding Pushy)
If you’re ready to start your pay or promotion negotiation, let’s talk. I can help get you there.
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About Ricky Koo
Ricky Koo is a seasoned corporate executive, entrepreneur, and certified Leadership & Communication Coach with a passion for helping professionals lead with authenticity and impact. With a background in Psychology and as a former Big 4 CPA, he built a distinguished career in Fortune 500 companies across banking, consulting, and technology, leading global teams and navigating complex business environments. Ricky’s unique perspective and strong instincts as a business leader enable him to successfully guide people through challenging situations while developing and fostering strong cultures.
As an instructor at UC Berkeley Extension, he passionately blends a strong technical foundation with real-world leadership experience to deliver transformative learnings on communication, influence, leadership, and career development. His approach bridges science with practicality, creating meaningful impact for audiences worldwide—from the classroom to the boardroom.
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